Funny Inspirational Quotes

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Funny inspirational quotes are fun to read. They leave us with a chuckle or laugh to keep us going throughout the day.

Take a break from whatever you are doing and smile.

Enjoy these funny quotes;

I don't have false teeth. Do you think I'd buy teeth like these?
--Carol Burnett

A vacation frequently means that the family goes away for a rest, accompanied by a mother who sees that the others get it.
--Marcelene Cox

There's nothing to match curling up with a good book when there's a repair job to be done around the house.
--Joe Ryan

Housework can't kill you, but why take a chance?
--Phyllis Diller

What my mother believed about cooking is that if you worked hard and prospered, someone else would do it for you.
--Nora Ephron

I must confess, I was born at a very early age.
--Groucho Marx

It was not so very long ago that people thought that semiconductors were part-time orchestra leaders and microchips were very small snack foods.
--Geraldine Ferraro

Graduation day is tough for adults. They go to the ceremony as parents. They come home as contemporaries. After twenty-two years of child-rearing, they are unemployed.
--Erma Bombeck

At my age flowers scare me.
--George Burns

If high heels were so wonderful, men would be wearing them.
--Sue Grafton

It's amazing that the amount of news that happens in the world every day always just exactly fits the newspaper.
--Jerry Seinfeld

To achieve the impossible dream, try going to sleep.
--Joan Klempner

I was on a date recently, and the guy took me horseback riding. That was kind of fun, until we ran out of quarters.
--Susie Loucks

Life is uncertain. Eat dessert first.
--Ernestine Ulmer

Say what you want about long dresses, but they cover a multitude of shins.
--Mae West

Remember, Ginger Rogers did everything Fred Astaire did, but she did it backwards and in high heels.
--Faith Whittlesey

When I was born I was so surprised I didn't talk for a year and a half.
--Gracie Allen

The secret of staying young is to live honestly, eat slowly, and lie about your age.
--Lucille Ball

I have had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it.
--Groucho Marx

The only really good place to buy lumber is at a store where the lumber has already been cut and attached together in the form of furniture, finished, and put inside boxes.
--Dave Barry

The Rose Bowl is the only bowl I've ever seen that I didn't have to clean.
--Emma Bombeck

I will not retire while I've still got my legs and my make-up box.
--Bette Davis

I expect Woman will be the last thing civilized by Man.
--George Meredith

Most women set out to try to change a man, and when they have changed him, they don't like him.
--Marlene Dietrich

What's the point of going out? We're just going to wind up back here anyway.
--Homer Simpson

Funny inspirational quotes make me feel happy. If you would like to read more quotes to make you feel happy, please enjoy a visit here.

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