Louis took her home
by Beth Nelson
My mother was my rock, no nonsense but loving non the less.
At 82 years old she still considered herself a "tough old bird" and she was, until we found she had lung cancer. She never let her fear show, only her disappointment, as she had nursed her father, mother, sister and brother in law until their own deaths with cancer, she thought she was going to be the one to avoid it. She only went through one chemo treatment, on a Monday, by Wednesday she was in the hospital...she couldn't tolerate even a reduced dose of chemo....she was down to 83 lbs. She spent 2 weeks in the hospital and then was moved to a Nursing Home for rehab. She spent 2 months in the Nursing Home, her greatest wish was to come back to her trailer. With the wonderful help of our nurse Kim and a dear friend Murray, she was home by Thanksgiving. Her health continued to decline, but she was so happy to be home, that was all that mattered to her and to me. Christmas was ours to enjoy, not knowing how much time we had left we made the most of it. On Friday night before she passed on Sunday my husband and I ate dinner with her. While I washed dishes we talked about the weather, the news and other every day things. Out of the blue my mother said "He came a long way and had just gotten in" Who? I asked. "His name is Louis, and I recognized him right away, he is a boy I went to school with. He said he came to take care of me, so I said OK." That was all she said about that. Then on with our conversation. How I wished now I had asked more questions. On that Sunday she was not feeling well. I took her to the Emergency Room, they told me she would be admitted for a couple of days to stabilize her and then she would need Hospice. I stood by her bed in the ER and looked at her, so tiny and frail, bald headed, she looked like a child. Tears just came to me without warning, she reached up with her little hand and brushed the tears from my cheek. She never said a word. The nurse asked us to sit in the waiting room while they got her situated in her room. Within a couple of minutes the Dr came in and said you need to come now, she is taking her last breaths. As I walked in I saw her chest move, I ran and held on to her hand and cried, I had heard that you can feel up to 6 minutes after you quit breathing, I wrapped my arms around my mom and held on, wanting to make sure she felt my heart beating for her, all the while it was breaking. When I finally let go of her I could feel the emptiness immediately. My only solace seems to be that Louis was her Guardian Angel and he had prepared her for the final journey. She was not in pain, she was being comforted by her favorite Dr, my husband and I were at her side and she was loved, what more could we hope for? I miss her just as much today as I did 2 weeks ago, I know it will get better in time.
But it does seem that time moves so slowly. I love you momma and I'm looking for my sign from you.